Funny Wedding Vows

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of nature, and before these friends and family, to join together this man and this woman in Matrimony, which is an honorable and beautiful estate, and therefore is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but instead with love, respect, friendship, and honor. Into this estate these two persons present come now to be joined.

I John, promise before friends and family, to clean up my dirty laundry, help you cook, clean, make the bed, vacuum and put the lid back on the toothpaste. I promise to admit when I'm wrong, even when I'm not, bring you flowers even if I haven't done anything wrong and to love you with all of my heart.

I Jenny, promise before everyone and their dog, to always invite you to go shopping, never complain when you snore and to never ask you, "does this dress make me look fat." I promise to not talk your ear off, spend too much time on the phone with my friends, fix a special dinner for you more often than you bring me flowers and to love you with all of my heart.

Bless these rings, that those who give them and those who wear them, may abide in peace and love.

This ring I give you, is a sign of our constant faith and abiding love.

I, John choose you, Jenny to be my partner in life. In front of our friends and family gathered here I promise to love and cherish you throughout good times and bad times. I promise to try to remember to put down the toilet seat and to replace the toilet roll when it finishes. I promise to remember this day with love and roses and to look after you if you get sick. I will love you always.

I, Jenny choose you, John as my life partner and in front of friends and family I promise to love and cherish you through every obstacle that may be put in our path. I promise to learn how to change a tire and how to refill the screenwash when it runs out. I will comfort you when your team loses and drink beer with you when they win.I will remember this day and will love you always.

John and Jenny, you have just sealed your relationship by the giving and receiving of rings and the exchange of a kiss, and this covenant is a relationship pledge between two people who agree that they will commit themselves to one another throughout their lives. The most beautiful example of this partnership is the marriage relationship. Today, this relationship is symbolized through the pouring of these two individual vessels of sand. One, representing you John, and all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be. The other representing you, Jenny, and all that you were and all that you are, and all that you will ever be.

As these two vessels of sand are poured into the third vessel, the individual vessels of sand will no longer exist, but will be joined together as one. Just as these grains of sand can never be separated and poured again into the individual vessels, so will your marriage be.

John and Jenny, in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, and now having heard you make these pledges of your affection, I do by virtue of the authority vested in me and the State of Idaho, declare you to be Husband and Wife.

Congratulations John and Jenny, it's smoochy time!